"A really bad night"
Posted by shadowlight (as ),
First off I have DID (dissociative identity disorder) and PTSD, that makes the story make more sense lol A few months ago we had a day of switching alot, I lost a LOT of time and J. (boyfriend) was interacting with alters, all was going ok. But then the more dangerous one got out, and ODed. I realised fairly quickly after "coming back" told J. and we went to hospital. I tried to explain the above the the doctor and in my view she decided that not only was I suicidal (which I'm not) but that I was psychotic (which I'm not). The doctors made me stay in the hospital, due to having major freak out, switching and aving fashbacks though they allowed J to stay too and put us in the relatives room rather than on the ward. <-- this bit was great, about the only possitive treatment of the night One nurse, however, was not too pleased. She kept moaning at me about "special treatment" sayng others were ill, others had ODed (Overdosed), why was I special? At about 3am the on call psychiatrist came to see me. She sent J out and I started panic to which she told me to top making a scene. She asked a lot of questions, basically my whole life story... She seemed concerned about my childhood, dubbing it emotionaly abusive. But in my view she told me that the physical and sexual abuse from my ex was pretty much my fault as I had no reason to stay with him, so I'm making a big deal out of nothing! (he raped me repetedly and beat me almost dayly putting me in hospital several times) I felt she told me it was all my fault... that I could have left at ay time... that I had no real reason to be living with him to start with... that if I really thought it was wrong I would have gone to the police... My memory of our interview was the following : that she said I was lying about loosing time... She said I was trying to get attention by pruposely taking enough pills to make me ill but not kill me... when I denied this she told me therefore to stop messing about, grow up and admit I had attempted suicide... She said it was all my fault... that I wasn't a little child who didn't know better... that I could have stood up for myself or left at any time if I had wanted to... at this point M(an alter) "came out" and started yelling at her about how she was an idiot and obviously has never been in a situration where you have no home, no money, where you're being threatened with eviction if you don't date your landlord, where you'll be beaten and hospitlised if you don't allow him to have sex with you... where you're constantly insulted, yet after each event the guy is amazing and kind and makes you feel special in a way that never happened previously as you've never had a previous relationship to compare this one to and all you have to go on is your parents disfunctional parents and their constant insults to you. She told M to stop acting, stop being stupid, that she doesn't exist, multiple personalities are not real and we should stop pretending... Then she asked about the OD (overdose), I explained about how we are 6 parts in one body, and how one of them wants to punish the body. She looked at me like an idiot, then asked if I found a note. I told her I was not trying to kill myself so she said "so why did you do it then?" I tried to exlain that I had no access to the memories of the others parts of myself, and she then I remember her saying: "I'm going to be frank with you. There is no such thing as multiple personalities. I think you just cannot handle emotions so try todistance them by pretending it's someone else. But this is serious, and I think you should stop messing about, tell the truth and admit that you tried to kill yourself" From my point of view she concluded that I was "attention seaking" and pretending to be ill...
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