"Depression fuelled insomnia"

I have been in a marriage where psychological mind games were used to gain control. I have tried to access Therapy for You at my GP surgery.

In a confrontation that followed asking him about his controlling behaviour suddenly my mind seem to "stop" there and then on the left hand side of my head. Since then I have been on all sorts of antidepressants, but if I found a good one that didn't give me sciatica in my buttocks and thighs it would give me rebound insomnia.

I have had insomnia and haven't had any natural sleep at all in these last 20 months since this confrontation. I paid to see a private doctor (nobody seems to specialise in sleep problems where I live). He told me I needed to have my mind 'reset'. That was in early April, I still don't know what needs to be done because it hasn't been explained.

I am 73 years old and just want to live a live like I used to without being affected by this terrible illness, which even my children fail to understand what it is like. I can only describe this past 1 year and 8 months as hell on earth. Sleeping tablets which I have been prescribed for well over a year now fail to work and, even when they do, the side effects are unpleasant and do not help my sensitive system.

I am in and out of my little bed about 20 times a night to get a drink for my very dry mouth which has plagued me, together with a horrible coating on my tongue which is part of my depression. I took an anti-depressant which actually took it away and helped my bowel problems at the same time BUT it brought back re-bound insomnia which I couldn't cope with. I just get sleeping tablets from the surgery and one year ago had a 1 hour appointment at a sleep clinic but I don't think they understood my illness, although they were helpful in themselves.