"There is light at the end of the tunnel"

About: Lancashire Care NHS Foundation Trust NHS Blackburn With Darwen / District Nursing Royal Blackburn Hospital

(as the patient),

In February 2009 I took an overdose and was taken to Royal Blackburn Hospital. I have MS and I am in a wheelchair. I have carers three times a day. I have to stay in bed until 12.00pm when one of the carers comes and gets me up. It all got too much and I just became inward thinking and had tunnel vision. I just wanted to end my life. I have a husband, three lovely children, four grandchildren and at the time I did not even think about other people. I just felt that I could not go on and could not cope and just wanted to end it all. I took an overdose on some medication that I had been given. When I woke up in hospital I was annoyed that it had not worked. It was so easy to take the tablets, but it had not worked. I received great care in hospital from the doctors and nurses as they have to do everything for me including washing. I also had a pressure sore which they sorted for me and the district nurse still comes everyday to treat me. Whilst I was in hospital I saw a psychiatrist. He asked me lots of questions and then I was allowed home. They stopped giving me the tablets that I overdosed on. He asked me why I did it and I explained that because of the MS I had had enough and could not take it any more. Perhaps what was needed when I saw the psychiatrist was a deeper conversation but at the time I did not want to open up and also I was not sure they would have understood about my multiple sclerosis."

When I went home, I just put on a brave face for my family and just pretended that everything was alright. But deep down I was still annoyed that it had not worked. The district nurse from St. George’s Surgery in Blackburn one day asked me how I was and I just burst out into tears and said how I felt. She arranged for my GP to visit and he prescribed m some anti-depressants. Since I have been on them I feel re-born. I feel great! All the guilt has gone and I am now beginning to feel again. I cannot now believe that I tried to take my own life. The GP said that it is good that I am now feeling again as I felt nothing before. It was easy to do; I cannot now believe I felt like that. Hopefully I will never feel like that again. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

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