"Hospital wards are so unsettling"

Over the previous couple of months, I felt like they were just guessing as what to do with me. On a previous ward (B2 Bassettlaw) I felt like they'd tried to kill me.

Now I just felt like a guinea pig, surrounded by medical professionals. The liaison nurse was rude and made me feel like a child, telling me off and said something about my medication that made me distrust it. Each time I met a new healthcare professional I had to repeat myself. It became clear that communication between the professionals was lacking. When they relayed back to me their understandings, it was clear they didn't have a clue.

The ward was very loud and busy, and staff were usually rushed off their feet. Patients were kicking, banging and shouting, which is to be expected. But when 1 patient requires staff attention, the rest of us should not be treated like sheep, confined to 1 area with a student nurse. I was made to feel like my needs were not big enough to warrant staff attention.

The noise and restriction on the ward is very hard to deal with, but it becomes intolerable when there is nothing to do. Telling me OT budgets have been stopped does not help get through the day. Having a few broken pens and pencils, a couple of old kids colouring book and a few puzzle books, is not going to help us get through the day.

I managed to get discharged, against doctors advice. They ask their questions and I answer. Their questions are closed questions, I give closed answers. They then make their decisions based on unanswered questions. Instead my poor boyfriend is doing everything he can to keep me safe.

I know I would be better off in hospital, if the environment gave me the supportive and therapeutic activities I need to help me get better along with a proper plan with my medication and follow up care.