"Please see and hear me"

Over the last month I was taken to Borders General Hospital A&E with a suspected brain bleed, paramedics excellent. Was put in a small room because of my anxiety disorder! When seen by staff I was moved further into the department & put in a bed in the corner which had signs of blood on it & blood smeared on floor (photographed) then curtain pulled around! 3 other women joined me & all I could hear was staff being complained at! I'm terrified! When doctor came they were loud & by this time I'm dissociated & desperate on water! Barked loudly at that bloods would be taken & particular focus HIV etc, flabbergasted at this & desperate to safeguard myself I decided the best for me was to leave quietly.. I did receive a call with laughter asking where I was but by this time I'm terrified & lost trust.

I empathise & understand the pressure of the department but it felt to me & others the staff were not only exhausted & over worked but also the were suffering morality burn out.... because of this I suffered.

Can I have some reassurance that when I visit department again I will be treated with understanding to my existing condition & it will be clean? Respect is a two way street!

Would the staff expect me to climb a flight of stairs with a broken leg, doubt it so why is it that they don't treat hidden but well recorded illnesses as they should.

Following this I needed mental crisis care which I had to be assertive to get. 3 lovely nurses visited me at home & gave me hope then I was faced with what felt like box ticking. Being told to stay in the 'here & now' I'm yet again terrified, as my 'here & now' at that time was reliving a horrible event of being held down and raped by a man. This was because I was having to visit a new male GP on my own & unsupported!

On this visit I was welcomed with no empathy or understanding as a new patient with long term complex disease & told that I don't have this & don't have that was completely worthless, on leaving this quick 10min appt I was not shown how to get out & yet again was terrified..

Why is it that I keep having to safeguard myself from being harmed again!

If you drive a car & it's got a fault you take it to get fixed, in doing so if the car comes back with more problems that it went in with would you continue to use the same garage, I doubt it..so please can I be listened to, supported at the point of contact & staff reminded that a smile does not always mean all's ok.

I'd like to build a pathway for recovery but can't see this with services & latest experiences.

I look forward to sorting this.

Regards 🧚‍♀️