"My labour was a nightmare"

I was very happy at guys st. Thomas hospital, the assessment unit and the antenatal unit are awesome and the staff was always very lovely, I got sick with an infection and I felt like spending holidays in there! But then Labour happened. 

I was told to arrive at 11am to get induced. They put me and my partner into a stunning single room with views to the LONDON EYE, till then all was perfect. 

The nightmare starts by midwifes: 

midwife 1 comes in, takes more 45 min. To put the needle in my hand while they kept saying that there was 50% chances the needle could break the vein. How could I feel safe and calm hearing this? 

Turns out this midwife did it wrong, I had to hear all the other midwives complaining about how poorly done it was. 

Then at 3pm I get the cream to open up my cervix, after a few minutes I feel a burning sensation down there, I tell the midwife, and 2 doctors and NONE OF THEM took a single look at it, after complaining for almost 1 hour I get the midwife to check it, and in fact I was suffering a reaction to the cream, the doctor had to come, take a look at it and almost 2 hours later I finally get some ice to calm down the pain. 

My partner is asked to leave the hospital until active labour. After being in the room for about 4 hours, he has to leave and could not come back until midnight. When I got scheduled the oxchitocyn. 

Funny enough, every step was scheduled, the staff new when every step was going to happen but never communicated anything with us, so we didn't know at what time was any of the steps happening which was very disturbing taking into the fact my partner was waiting in the street thinking that I could start labour in any minute, he could have spent those 6 hours better than going crazy in the street. 

Midwife 2. 

I start feeling the contractions harder and harder, but I had the epidural on, after complaining for while, the midwife noticed that right in front of them, like 40cm in front of their chair, was the epidural tube laying on the floor... dont even know for how many hours was it disconnected. 

Then the midwife decides instead of running to get the anaesthetist, is better to pick up the room. I was in so much pain. Already 10cm. 

Midwife 3.  Active labour.  

I got overdose of epidural, not able to feel absolutely nothing in my tummy, nor contractions or pain, I insist I dont want to give birth laying on my back. The midwife starts laughing at me, saying it was ridiculous to try other positions. I was confused because in the antenatal course from the same hospital they explained us the alternative positions that help labour going faster. 

Anyway, I couldn't follow the guidance in terms of pushing since I couldn't feel what parts I was pushing at all, so when I got it right I wasn't able to repeat the same way, just because I couldn't tell the difference , the midwife started stressing me, my anxiety to the roof, the babys heart  speed super high! And decides I cant do it and I need a CSection . 

I was taken to theatre, once finally the doctors tell the midwife off, I had a last chance to push with the Forceps, and without feeling stressed this time I was able to push, I finally felt free to push the way I felt my body able to do it, and it worked, in 5 pushes my baby was out. 

After labour, my partner, baby and I are taken to a small room with other 3 couples, we are suffocating, I am totally exhausted and the midwife starts shouting at me that I must feed the baby, I just couldn't think about anything else than sleeping. 

Then the breastfeeding nightmare started. 

At that moment midwife 3 shouts If I don't breastfeed I dont love my baby. 

Postnatal ward, my partner has to leave, I am exhausted, very tired and left alone with my baby in a room with 3 mothers in the same circumstances. 

The midwife never came to check around. I had stitched, lots of blood everywhere and had to take care of the baby by my own being first time mom that's very scary. 

Due to the epidurial I felt sick and couldn't eat, the other babys where crying, all together was a very stressful environment.  

I felt every day I was having more anxiety and getting sick from the extreme temperatures in the room. So I decided to go home, and let my family take a better care of me and my baby. 

From the whole experience I mostly regret not being brave enough to fight for my instinct during labour.