"Lack of help and support."

I feel there has been no help, no support, nothing. I have been struggling and had a couple of crisis within the past few months. Last time I went to A&E and had a long wait to see someone from the crisis team. I had to be restrained by the police with a team of health care professionals who helped pin me down to the bed and I had restraints tied to my wrists and ankles whilst somebody injected me. The next day my wrists and ankles were really sore and red and aching. It was horrible. They placed me on a drip over night and the next day I waited almost all day to see some one from the crisis team. They asked the usual questions but I had difficulty answering because of the after effects of the drug.

The staff member was friendly and offered to give me a lift back home as I had no means to get back, they phoned my Mum to let her know that they would be dropping me off and also that I would be working with the crisis team for a while to get to the bottom of why I keep having crisis and ending up in A&E. As they were driving, I asked them why did they have to restrain me like that? And they said that if I keep on misbehaving they'll do that and it's why I had to work with the crisis team..I was upset and was made to feel like what I did, trying to get help was a bad thing and deserved it. The crisis worker corrected themself but it was already too late, they made me feel even worse.

Since I was unable to see the crisis team on a Sunday as of a lack of buses and it was inconvenient I agreed for them to come and visit me at home the following Monday, when I explained to my dad he was concerned about me going out and he suggested that it would be better they come around. The crisis team saw me for about an hour and then I was subsequently discharged on the same day without any further support. When I asked them why they were discharging me they told me that I was no longer in a crisis and deemed me to be over it but that was not the case. I still struggled....right up until I took an overdose in Cambridge and and I was taken to Addenbrookes, my intention was that I hoped to be transferred to Fulbourn Hospital for help as a previous admission at Adrian House was much better and I felt like the staff were understanding and got good treatment.

Unfortunately to my disappointment I was given very little choice, when I spoke to a crisis worker there, I begged them to please not discharge me back home as I didn't feel ready and no way did I feel safe at the time, they made some phone enquiries but the only bed available was at AAU Cavell Centre which I dreaded because of a negative experience I had there last year and the trauma it had caused me. Reluctantly I agreed to go, it was either that or back home and the risk of trying to end my life again. To try and reassure and calm my anxiety they got a chaplain to see me and a liason Psychiatrist. A few hours later the ambulance arrived to pick me up and I was transferred all the way from Addenbrookes Cambridge to the Cavell Centre in Peterborough.

When I arrived it was late and I was extremely tired, I had to sign all these paper work and had a medical. The next day I was seen by the Psychiatrist and they discharged me after one day, at the time my Dad was on his way to visit and drop off some clothes for me, by lunch time I was on my way to the canteen with the other patients and saw my dad walking down the corridor he was unaware I'd just seen the Psychiatrist and I had to tell dad to please wait on the ward whilst I got some lunch. When I returned I had to tell him I was going home the next day, my dad doesn't drive and he had to take 2 buses plus walk to the hospital, whilst carrying all my things, I think this was really unfair, and a waste of time and money, and I couldn't talk to the Doctor about my concerns. I was basically booted out the next day and my Dad had to travel all over again. Never saw the doctor on the morning of the discharge so I had no choice whatsoever and felt very angry and I thought it was really unprofessional to not be allowed to have a chance to speak and voice my concerns.

I'm on my own again, and got an Advocate as a last resort, they accompanied me to a gp appointment and I tried to explain my situation with the support of the Advocate and she made a re-referral back to CMHT. 3-4 months then passed and I heard nothing, no letter or even a phone call and was starting to wonder what was happening. A few days a go I rang up the surgery to ask what had happened? The receptionist said that they would get the doctor to look into it and give me a ring back. Today I received a call. back-early November and I got told by the receptionist that the crisis team dropped my referral after I was discharged from them, so the referral got dismissed or not placed. I find this outrageous and I am very annoyed, the least they could of done was to write to me or give me a call to notify or explain instead of leaving me to wait in anticipation of a letter arranging an appointment. This is not fair. I had been waiting thinking I'd receive some news soon, but the days just kept dragging on and on.

I have one last session with my key worker from MIND in a few weeks time and the wellbeing group I'd been attending is due to end this month, after that I will have no support. I don't understand why the mental health and crisis team keep letting me down? Is it because I've done something so wrong I deserve to be treated this way? In some ways it's negligence, being excluded and turning me away every time. I've had to go private and had to end art therapy sessions because I could no longer afford it, and since last year I've been having a counsellor come round every 2 weeks it's the only support I've got but I am having to spend £25 each time. It hasn't really helped me much though, apart from being listened to and taken seriously which I never got with some Psychiatrists and mental health practitioners. Nothing ever gets dealt with and I'm still left with unresolved underlying issues, why can't I access some sort of therapy? Or go to a residential inpatient unit. I've been seriously considering private The Retreat in York for quite some time but eligibility criteria means I have to be under the care of a mental health team and a Care Coordinator.

Up until recently I had an Advocate from CIAS which has now merged with voicability along with Powher to deal with NHS complaints, me and my Advocate last met around august/September time and as things hadn't progressed she suggested that it was time I took things further, like a level up and asked me whether I'd like to make a formal. complaint, at first being unsure but I felt as so did my Advocate that by just a gentle approach wasn't working and that my situation hadn't changed and I'd told her I was still having crisis and suicidal thoughts, eating issues and anxiety, made worse by last year's drama. She has now closed my case with her but got referred to voicability to be allocated a new Advocate who helps people with complaints. I received my information pack and got an email saying that I'd been allocated an Advocate but I'm still waiting to hear from them, last time I emailed to find out what was happening, they said that they would ask them to contact me, still no word after 2 weeks and I'm starting to get very frustrated with all of this and feel very upset. All I want is proper help, no more medical opinions, judgements or labels just proper help! Is that too much to ask? I go to A&E because it's the only place I can go to, crisis team are useless, and doctors seem to view my case as one to just throw in the water. If I'm untreatable or there is nothing they can do for me anymore, please can you just end my torment and just be honest! And tell me I'm incurable and nothing can be done, then I'll believe you. But I've no trust, it's going to take a lot to make me trust the MH services again.