"Knocked my confidence and made me question myself as a parent"

My daughter was born recently and the staff in Forth Valley were incredible. I could not fault them at all. My partner, doula and I were treated so well. As first time parents we were terrified which was exacerbated by us being new to the area and not having much local knowledge. However all of the midwives, doctors, nurses, domestic and catering staff in FVRH were amazing. The community midwives, health visitors and their students who visited us at home after the birth were also great, really informative and helpful.

Everything was going well until we had a visit from a member of staff who we assume was from the infant feeding team. My partner looked at their ID badge, although now it is difficult to remember their title. 

They were so rude to us and left me in tears after their visit. This person weighed my daughter and said that she had lost 11% of her birth weight. They questioned me about feeding - how long feeds were and attachment. They asked me what I knew about breastfeeding, as a first-time mum with no family and no real experience with babies, I struggled to say anything positive but did tell them that I did not want to feed formula or use bottles, and that I have always been pro-breastfeeding and this was how I wished to feed my daughter. I advised that I had a doula who supported us antenatallly, during the birth, and postpartum who was extremely supportive and helpful and that we would be getting visits from them over the next few weeks to help. 

This member of staff told me and my partner that we were not feeding our daughter enough and that she would need formula top-ups as well as breastmilk. They helped me to express milk and helped prepare a bottle for baby, as well as helping me to breastfeed. I felt very on edge breastfeeding in front of them as they told me to not do it like that. I felt very insecure and uncomfortable around them and generally I felt that they were looking down on my partner and I, judging us all the time. They grabbed my baby and handled her really roughly, almost throwing her at one point. I was so shocked but could not find any words to say. I just cried. They told us that if my daughter did not put on enough weight we would need to go back into hospital to learn how to breastfeed. 

I have never in my life felt like such a failure. Or so useless. When I told this member of staff, through tears, that I thought we were doing OK with feeding but now I felt like the worst parent, they offered no education, words of wisdom, help, encouragement, compassion nor empathy. I was really badly shaken by this experience and it took me a good month or two to regain confidence in breastfeeding and generally in parenthood.

I attended the Breastfeeding network groups (non-NHS) which were so supportive and approachable, and so I had a completely different experience. I didn't attend BfN groups earlier as it was actually this member of staff who had recommended them. I thought they were associated with them and even thought that they could be in attendance, so did not want to come across them again. 

It is only now after 14 months I feel able to tell others about my experience, as it really did knock my confidence and make me question myself as a parent. My daughter put on all of her birth weight and thrived. The midwives came out to see me the next day and advised me that this member of staff would not be out to see me again as they were off work, which we both felt very relieved about. 

It is such a shame that this occurred as I have, to date, not had any issues with FV NHS services or professionals.