"The whole process had left me feeling traumatised"

I had my first child in autumn 2023 and after a difficult pregnancy due to hyperemesis, I was determined to stay positive in regards to my labour.

I wrote a birth plan that was concise and open to the any number of possibilities that could arise during labour yet not once was it referred to. 

My little girl was back to back, which staff made me aware of on admission. I laboured for around 17 hours with pain relief including gas and air and morphine. I was offered an epidural but declined this offer as I was able to manage the pain and believe I have a high pain threshold. 

I was told very little about how my labour was progressing and by 16 hours after labour began I was told by a consultant that I could begin to push in 30 minutes and not a minute before. I was not made aware of why I could not push until then and made it clean that I felt the urge to do so already. The same consultant advised that my baby had also now moved position and was no longer back to back but as soon as they left the room the midwife stated that they doubted this. 

After pushing for around 40 minutes with little to no progress I was advised that a forceps delivery would be best as both my heart rate and the baby's heart rate was beginning to rise. I agreed to this and a doctor came in to do the procedure. This is when things began to decline and I was given an episiotomy without any notice. Once my daughter was born (indeed back to back) I was given an injection to numb the area that needed to be stitched. Whilst the doctor did this they made a remark which to this day goes round and round in my head. They laughed whilst stating to the midwife that they were giving me a designer vagina. I found this to be extremely inappropriate and felt very embarrassed, especially as the remark was not even made to me. 

Once back in the maternity ward I was left to my own devices and in a lot of pain. My partner was sent home in the middle of the night even though I was unable to move without fighting back tears. I had a haematoma and urinary retention which eventually subsided. I later needed a blood transfusion also. In terms of the episiotomy I was given no advice in regards to aftercare and left the hospital after a few days still in agony. 

My stitches came undone within 8 days and I was told I had an infection that required 4 rounds of antibiotics. The wound was left to regranulate and is not fully healed even now. 15 days postpartum I was seen by a community midwife and told that the infection had cleared after my first round of antibiotics. They took my notes and told me they would see me soon for baby no.2 even though I told them that I was sure the infection hadn’t fully cleared and that the whole process had left me feeling traumatised. 

This has had a significant impact on my mental health and initially made it very difficult to care for my daughter as I could not sit down without being in excruciating pain.