"Nottinghamshire County Crisis Team"

I am a frequent caller to the crisis team (option 4) due to a lot of trauma flask backs and high intensity of emotional pain, which contributes to suicidal thoughts and plans.

On this night I was in quite a lot of distress, calling from around 21:30 pm and leaving voicemails asking for a call back when possible, but didn’t receive a call until 00:30. When I rang in, the person on the other end of the call put the phone down. I thought this was odd, so immediately rang back to try and catch them again. They picked up but put the phone down immediately, and I then rang a third time and they put the phone down again. I thought maybe it was an accident but when this happened 3 times and I could hear them fiddling with the phone to try and disconnect the call on the screen. As you can imagine this added to my distress and I could feel myself getting worse. So I kept on ringing into the team, and after more voicemails and calls, I eventually got through.

I have a crisis plan, that me and my cpn have worked very hard on to get it right for when I call into the CRHT. I asked the member of staff please can we go through my crisis plans allocated on my care plan. They ignored this comment and immediately said what distractions have you done today? To which I listed off all of my activities of the day and trying to keep busy despite persistent depressive mood. The staff member then said, well you have done everything on your distraction list, so what else do you want me to suggest. I asked again please can we go through my crisis plan, there is a specific order I go through things first to process my feelings and emotions and then when I'm less distressed I can make a plan and tell you what I am going to do.

They said they were not going to read the plan with me as it wasn’t appropriate and said they were going to end the call. I was again confused and this added to my distress, as I thought this was unfair and I was given no justification as to how the call was in appropriate. They said, fine I’ll transfer you to turning point and you can talk to them and half way through me talking to the staff member I was placed on hold and they would not even given me the time to speak.

I was transferred to turning point to speak with a member of staff who refused to look at my crisis plan or even go through it with me. I agreed to work with this person but they seemed very unskilled and not appropriately trained. I mentioned I was having a flashback and needed some support, but they responded with you'll be okay, everyone has flashbacks, completely invalidating everything I said. After this conversation not getting anywhere they told me to ring back to option 4, which I did.

At this point I was so disappointed and distressed, but tried to remain as calm as possible. I rang back to option 4 and the member of staff on the phone didn’t even acknowledge me or my request for help and immediately and repeatedly transferred the call through to turning point, this happened 4 times. I finally got back through to option 4 again and said please listen to me, don’t transfer the call, I just want help and support, that's all I'm asking for, but the member of staff said the service is here to provide emotion support to patients and I asked, am I not in titled to this? They said this is not appropriate and ended the call.

This isn't the first time this has happened, and on previous calls with the crisis team they have told me that I have capacity, so if I choose to end my life they cannot stop me. Which is baffling and hurtful to hear, when all you want is to have some support to get you through the hard times.

AMH crisis services are appalling and need changing. I feel people are at risk under your care if you unable to make the necessary adjustments in your teams to give patients the right support they require.