"Mental health services"

I was absolutely dreading the up and coming appointment at Northlands to see a psychiatrist and a Nurse with a loved one.

Over the years,with another close relative,I have attended appointments with several different Psychiatrists there. With all previous visits,I have found myself transported back in time to secondary school. The Psychiatrist looks and acts in the manner of a strict headteacher, resembling that of the 1970s - smartly dressed,oozing authority,firm in manner,unapproachable.

Sat there waiting to speak,I get so carried away awaiting my turn,that I butt in several times,naughty girl. I am silenced by words and a firm look from the psychiatrist.Thank God we have a wonderful Nurse present,I look over at them and they are suppressing giggles and going red with the effort of trying not to laugh.The nurse's presence helps,they are human,not like the interviewer. I am not the only one to feel this way, terrified looking people in the waiting room agree with my views.

Imagine then my surprise when we are greeted by a kind, gentle,compassionate psychiatrist, their compassion was tangible.Then enters the Nurse,a solid ,firm anchor of hope and bubbliness.

Finally after fifteen years of watching my loved one suffer, I am allowed ,at my request,to give a history,a narrative of the trauma that is the root cause of all symptoms.The psychiatrist is surprised, notes are flipped through, there is no history,exactly as previously only symptoms and medication were focused upon. Nothing makes sense without a history. I initiated this, as my relative hardly speaks and trauma is buried deep within their mind,they can’t recall it all, it is blocked,delving deep may retraumatize them,but with them not present I can pass on lifesaving information.

People who have been abused,traumatised, aren’t going to sail away in a chemical haze of happiness, if issues that have destroyed their sense of value, esteem and worth aren’t addressed. As is often the case in abuse, the person feels like everything is their fault.

I have another close relative who is mentally ill, for the readers to understand this let me tell you that my loved ones aren’t related biologically, so as not to reinforce hopeless theories that mental illness is genetic or chemical. Put through enough trauma,any mind would understandably crumble.

Suffering needs alleviating, that’s where services need to step in. I have been left feeling totally burnt out and not wanting to go on at times, as I try to help my loved ones. Stepping into their world, seeing their suffering, has left me broken, yet I have no choice do I? I feel the services never cleaned up the emotional wounds caused by others, I have to try myself else there is no hope for them. If I break who will pick up the pieces? Carers need support and training,we do this full time.

Back to the recent appointment, my only criticism is that the psychiatrist was preaching about a therapy that would enable my loved one to do household tasks. I would hate to see my loved one doing tasks, yet still emotionally bleeding out, still wounded,still tortured. This has always been a bugbear for me,the box ticking of the recovery model and its emphasis on leaving people functioning robotically, doing tasks and deemed as doing well,with the emphasis on independence over alleviating suffering, living in a lonely,independent hell. Come on services, would you expect someone who has an arterial bleed to be hoovering and washing up, without attending the wound first? My loved one emotionally bleeds out every single night,fighting low mood and at times possibly suicidal thoughts, battling alone using distraction to survive.

The siblings of my loved one aren’t mentally ill,they didn’t go through the abuse and trauma to the extent my loved one did. If wounds are cleaned,healed I’m certain my loved one will participate in life again.

As I see it, the services are care services, not independence boot camp. People need to feel genuinely cared for, for many they may never have experienced this. Virtually non existent self esteem needs building up, unacheiveable boot camp targets need dropping. In my opinion, emphasis should be healing from inside out, not outside in, I don't think it works if not. In my view, the emphasis on doing has replaced the emphasis on being,that being that a person who can feel that they are loved,valued and have worth can participate in life again,without hiding from it or at the very worse,ending it all to escape the pain.