"ADHD assessment - insensitive and judgemental"

I felt the doctor was not interested in seeing my logs and I was upset how the whole assessment was handled. The assessment was conducted in such an inappropriate and insensitive way. I clearly stated in the application that my child has anxiety so expected some consideration.

I also made it clear on arrival at the start of the assessment that I have to be very careful with the language that is used around XX 

To open up the conversation with, so what’s the problem with XX, was upsetting.

It suggested XX is or has a problem, which was hard to explain to XX. I also felt that XX should have been spoken too directly, and often felt like she was being spoken about as if she was not in the room.

I was upset by the questioning about my mental health and family medical history in front of XX. It felt like an interrogation. Surely this could be been read on the application?

XX didn’t know about my ADHD or psychosis, (she knows I have bipolar) but I felt I had to share when asked, but would have preferred this was done privately. I was asked a lot of questions about how much medication I’m on, home life, what I did for a job, my husband etc.

When I said I have Hashimoto’s Disease I was very upset (felt speechless) when the comment was made that I was underweight, and that usually hypothyroidism causes sufferers to be overweight.

Yes I’m in my BMI which has taken a long time to get back into this, due to my thyroid disorder, the breakdown and the antipsychotics. However I did point out that I no longer binge eat thanks to my ADHD medication. I’ve always discussed with XX that it’s unkind to point things out about people’s appearance, weight, image etc I felt this was really inappropriate to comment on my weight. It also made me feel like I was a liar, because I wasn’t a stereotypical overweight person with a thyroid problem.

I felt as if I was under scrutiny, being asked multiple questions whilst completely ignoring XX (who was sat fiddling with her bunny often interrupting me). It was about my health and parenting.

I’ve attended parenting classes, researched coping strategies, read books, listened to audibles, bought and downloaded resources. 

At the end of the assessment, it was cut short, stating how my answers were very different to those of the school. 

Apparently the outcome of the assessment was that XX has anxiety, sensory and self esteem issues, but I’ve had nothing in writing following up or confirming that.

I had to prompt for next steps. I was then handed a parenting leaflet which felt a little insulting.

 I had videos, a whole list of examples, specific scenarios, mood, food and activity diary logs along with a list of issues we have had to help manage XX unique ways. These were dismissed, given back, not even read and simply ignored!

XX primary school reports and speech and language assessment was identical to mine, yet I went under the radar until I was in my mid thirties! I thought we were more advanced and aware of girls masking in the classroom, but seems that disruptive behaviour in the classroom is still the only way to be noticed.

Every time XX was asked a question by the Dr, she would pause, look up and think about the answer she was about to give. (I know this as she is my child!) XX is very capable, very deep and intelligent, in fact she is so emotionally intelligent, that she can pick up on many things.

She is pretty good at trying to please and I could see she was giving answers that she felt were appropriate, as if to please. Her baby voice came out which often appears when XX is trying to think about what she is saying and looking for validation.

To be told out right in front of XX that we need to work on her self-esteem issues was quite upsetting.

I’ve put XX in ballet since she was just under 3 (although she struggled with the anxiety in shows and hated eye contact with the audience.) Since then, I have paid for her to attend gymnastics, street dance, choir, swimming and tutoring.

Everything I said or did was completely dismissed due to the fact XX isn’t a stereotypical ADHD naughty child in the classroom. Her report from her teacher didn’t show the same results as mine. XX is free to express how she feels at home, displays natural behaviours and is not suppressed. As mentioned she has improved over time, but that volcano in her tummy, her extreme hyperactivity and extreme lows are very apparent when she is at home. Meltdowns over noise, heat or smells are still a very common occurrence for us.

I felt it was a waste of time filling out an independent food, mood and activity diary as it was not even looked at. The outcome decision was based solely on the school teachers report.

I know my child better than anyone and have a fantastic bond and close relationship with her. I see all the signs I had and have done my best to support her and put her needs first at all costs. To be told “bring her back if it gets worse” is upsetting. Once hormones kicked in, I was a wreck and failed as a result in secondary school with impulsive wreck-less behaviour. I was punished and thrown out of exams. I had overwhelming feelings of anxiety, not belonging, feeling weird, feeling I had little worth and even had suicidal thoughts. I just wish I could have understood myself better. XX gets upset and doesn’t know why she does these things at times, and I feel I cannot give her the answers unless I have some feedback.

I pay for private tuition every Monday. I’ve received no feedback. I couldn’t try more than I have as a mother

Overall the whole thing was really insensitive with judgmental stereotyping!