"NHS 24 Mental Health Hub, MHAU & OOH CPNs"

For the last 3 days (I'm writing this on the 4th Day) I've had contact with CMHT, Breathing Space, NHS 24 Mental Health Hub, and the MHAU (don't know which ones, but I know there's 2 in Glasgow) and the Out of Hours CPNs 

For the last 3 days I've really struggled with my mental health due to my Psychiatrist reducing my Anti-Psychotic. I never agreed to this as I knew this would happen and they offered no alternative. But it was reduced as it was causing High Prolactin Levels. Prior to the 3 days I noticed changes with my Mental Health with it being reduced but wasn't anything I couldn't manage. Now the Suicidal Thoughts have returned worse than ever, I'm feeling more overwhelmed than ever and now don't have the medication to fall back on. 

I had a Mental Health Crisis in December 22 to April 23, and from then I had 3 months of good mental health. I didn't need input from the Psychiatrist, Mental Health Hub or Out-of-Hours CPNs. Things were going really well and I managed to return to work.

Since reaching out to the NHS 24 Mental Health Hub (where all the PWPs I've spoken to have been lovely) they referred me on to the OOH CPNs and the first night was alright. I also reached out to my CMHT Duty Worker who I found could not have been any more dismissing if they tried. They kept telling me to manage my own distress by using my skills, which I do every day even on good days so I don't need to be told this. By the time I'm contacting Services my Window of Tolerance (skill) is already in the Red Zone and I've reached my Skills Breakdown Point so I am in need of further support. 

Last night I contacted Breathing Space through Webchat and the Advisor was so lovely. They really listened to me, let me get my emotions out but recommended I spoke to the Mental Health Hub or they would have to call the Police as they deemed me to be at risk. I agreed to speak to the Hub. 

The PWP I spoke to was so lovely and they transferred me for a call back from an Out of Hours CPN within 2 hours. I waited almost 5 hours for this call back, missed it because I was in the bathroom being sick with anxiety and was told by the CPN in the Voicemail that I would have to go back through the Hub (OOH CPNs used to call twice. 

I waited 2 and a half hours for a further call back from the MHAU and OOH CPN from going through to the Hub. Different CPN called me back from the first one who left the voicemail and they I found they could not have been anymore dismissive, condescending or arrogant. They told me that I was angry. I wasn't angry, I am frustrated at my feelings not being taken seriously by CMHT, OOH CPNs at the MHAU. And I was also upset because I was so distressed by the Suicidal Thoughts. 

I don't know where to turn because Services pick and choose who they see, the door keeps getting slammed in my face by the very people who are meant to support me. I am fortunate enough to have amazing friends and family but they can only do so much before handing it back to the Professionals. And I've been dismissed by my very own CMHT and the OOH CPNs I feel just don't care. 

I've gave up with services (Minus Breathing Space because they're the only ones that take my feelings seriously). I'm also very close at giving up on life because the very people who are meant to support me aren't. I'm not due to see my Psychiatrist until September/October time, last seen them in May which is absolutely no use to me when I'm in Crisis now. 

I've asked OOH CPNs, and the Duty Workers at my CMHT what am I meant to do when the skills don't work and no one has an answer for me. I find that is poor practice. And I have not been a witness to the Person-Centred Care the NHS apparently so prides itself in. 

One day I hope to work in Mental Health and these are people who I aspire not to be like. I'm done, completely done. It's unfair on myself, my friends and my family.