"I think this is good therapy for me to write this"

I am going through a mental health crisis, and for me that means the suicidal part of me (the part of me that just wants to lay down and die) kicks in and I end up drinking in preparation to go and kill myself. I was taught years ago by an extremely good psychologist, Sarah, and I promised her that I wouldn't make an attempt on my life without speaking to someone from the mental health team first (the Crisis team, as its always usually at night that I was prepared to act on my thoughts of harming myself) anyway because she was such a good therapist and helped me so much and I have the utmost respect for her, that I have always keep that promise to her and contacted the crisis team, which is what I did recently, for the first time years.

I used to be under the mental health services for years off and on, as i suffer with recurring severe depression and anxiety  with suicidal ideation, but haven't under them much for the last 10 years, just a couple of wobbles as I call them when struggling to cope with certain situations,  mainly my nightmare of a neighbour who lived in flat upstairs to me, and put me and the others through hell with anti social behaviour and involvement with drugs etc... anyway after several years of coping with the very distressing situation this person has FINALLY been moved.

Somehow, and I'm still trying to get my head round it all, somehow now this person is gone it's plunged me into a very bad emotional state and my mood swings have been very extreme, I can't quite believe it's happening now of cos I'm really pleased that peace is now restored to my home environment etc. But it's like all the emotions I was suppressing just coping with this situation on a daily basis has now finally all surfaced, and has thrown me into a mental health crisis, and the other night I phoned the crisis team, more to say that I don't think there's the help that there used to be anymore as I hear all the time that the NHS is in crisis and services have suffered, mental health services over welmed cos of pandemic causing so many more people struggling with there mental health... but how wrong was I.

I spoke to a really understanding and empathic mental health professional call Rebecca (I think) and she convinced me that there is still help there and made me realise all I need is some support at the moment while I'm going through this mental health crisis, rather than just giving up now.

So thank you Rebecca,  and the other gentlemen I spoke to from the Home treatment team, and the lovely man who came round yesterday from HHT, sorry can't remember your names (my memory is poor cos of what I'm going through, plus my fibromyalgia) but I remember conversations, advice and help, which is the main thing, and kept me going last night when I had to fight the bad urges to go and buy alcohol.

It's very hard to cope when I go into mental health crisis, but all the mental health professionals have managed to keep me going, and I am very grateful to them, it helps to keep me going when just want to lay down and die.

I also want to mention Andrea, my old social worker, who I haven't seen for over ten years now but she, like Sarah my psychologist, still talks to me in my head all the good advice, tools and understanding things like triggers etc  which has got me this far. They both went through a lot with me as I was very very unstable etc at times I was seeing them, but they both  always treated me with care & respect, (something I think is very important and much appreciated when your going through mental health issues,  nothing worst than been spoken to disrespectfully as the best of times, but more so when your in such a vulnerable state mentally & emotionally) and in turn respect them and will always try my best for them if nothing else. So thank you to Sarah & Andrea, you're The Best 👍🤗😘

P.s I think this is good therapy for me to write this, and I think they would both agree!