"Not able to access an ADHD assessment"

After 2 years of research and feeling like I was going a bit crazy at times, through all the stories on social media I realised I have undiagnosed ADHD, which explains SO much about my childhood, my relationships, my little quirks as well as my feelings of hopelessness.  I wrote 28 pages of info for my GP back in July 2022 and they referred me to the local mental health team in September 2022.  

I received a letter last week rejecting me for an assessment due to the guidelines that are used and the doctor didn’t feel I met the criteria.  I am devastated, and confused about what I did wrong.  I’ve waited 6 months of mentally preparing myself for the next step and now I’m so crestfallen.  My GP has said to submit more info - more to the point info about my background and possibly get a parent to submit info about my struggles in childhood.  I am in my forties with parents who didn’t necessarily notice my struggles or I internalised them; we also do not have a relationship where feelings and issues were discussed.  

I had to give up work in the summer because I was struggling so much with my concentration, social anxiety, RSD and just focus, and my depression has really gotten bad to the point where I don’t go anywhere, do anything, just go through the motions of being a parent and trying not to fall apart on a daily basis.  Should I try and get my mum to help - who doesn’t even know I’m pursuing a diagnosis - and have to explain what ADHD in women is?

I can’t afford a private diagnosis due to not working.  Why do I even want a diagnosis? Validation that I am not a crazy lady and that my struggles growing up and in adulthood are not me being a narcissist, horrible person, failure but that there is a reason behind it.  I’ve spent a lot of time researching and making sure I’m not looking for something that isn’t there and now it feels like it’s been for nothing and I’m a bit lost!! Any help with next steps would be really appreciated