"Colonoscopy Clean Boweled Me!"

Anything else?

You are probably a bit like me, you get the envelope from the Postman. "NHS" on the front. You open it up. "NHS Bowel Cancer Screening Programme" Being male, I left the first one on the book shelf, not for that long, just a year, which is quite good in man speak! Why? Scared. One year later, guess what? Another NHS envelope!! Being married, my wife "suggested" that I take the bits out and send off the test. A bit strange, poo in toilet paper then scraping off bits etc! I did what I was told! One week later, ooops, another letter, do the same again. Now I was scared! Did it and sent it off. Thought that was it. In less than a week another letter. "Go to a local hospital at 9.45" Sleepless nights. Even my wife was worried! Didn't tell my kids, two boys and a girl. Didn't want to worry them. I was worried enough for all of them! 9.00 in the hospital for my appointment at 9.45... First lady never turned up for her 9.00 appointment. At 9.45 the consultant and I met. She was brilliant. Told me about a the Colonoscopy. Nerves? You bet! Maggie was calming reassuring. You what? A black tube in my bum...? In less than a week, our hero was found in his bedroom taking his Moviprep solution in a pint glass. One hour later. Things started to happen. Thirteen times to be exact! Next morning more Moviprep. More motions. Eleven times. "See my football team lose. The bottom falls out of my world. Drink Moviprep. World falls out of my bottom." Got to Westmorland Hospital at 1.35. Parked the car. Four hours at the meter. Went in. Got to the Endoscopy Department. Level One in the lift. Reception women were really good. Waited for less than ten minutes and a smiling lady took me into her room. Blood pressure high. If you were about to get a long tube up your bum your blood pressure would not be dropping, I can tell you! Did I want Entenox gas stuff or some pain killer injection? Never thought about it. Met lots of lovely nurses who were great. Went into the room. Laid on my side! The Consultant was great. In it went. No pain killer for me. There was no pain. it was great. Saw my large intestine of the large television screen. In then out. Interesting. Satnav was on another screen. Two lovely young female nurses and a tube in my backside. Men would pay good money for this! Seriously though, the whole thing was brilliant and the entire Department deserves the highest praise. Thank You. Went to the Recovery bit. Had to produce some pee. Wind, yes. Pee? no! Eventually the water flowed and the wind blew. And blew. And blew. Wife drove me home. Less than three hours. In and out...... Really enjoyed the experience and the staff were brilliant. Mr Hunt, if you want an example of good practice in the NHS read this and feel proud!