"Recovering from post-traumatic stress disorder"

I have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and have had it for approximately 8 years.

I have seen some really helpful CPNs who have taught me all kinds of helpful things, calming myself during a panic attack by breathing slowly, how to meditate and relax my muscles, taught me why I react the way I do, made me feel able to cope with a panic attack. They have given me leaftlets and books that have been so helpful to read. Been there for all my worries and tears and reassured me that I am doing well.

I tried to get out and about but there was always something just in the way, I felt as though I had a pile of "rubbish" inside me which wouldn't move. I knew what it was, it was the way Social Services had "dragged" their feet helping my family and particularly my son and quite a lot of problems that surrounded all that. Whatever they did, which was an incredible amount, I just couldn't get to that "rubbish".

I was referred to a really wonderful psychologist who treated me with EMDR. It was awful, the feelings it brought out of me both emotional and physical were immense. I got so hot I dripped, I retched and thought I would be sick, I was doubled up with thoughts and emotion. I physically ached with being tense. I cried and cried and it took about a week to 10 days for me to partially recover from one session, my whole life was taken up with either having EMDR or getting myself back together afterwards, I slept for hours.

But from that very first session, and I did have a lot of them, I knew that something was working, there was just this little bit of light coming through that was not there before. Week after week we would tackle one little aspect of my problem until all of a sudden there was no problem, it was gone, all dealt with and filed away, absolutely amazing.

This went on for months and months but all the time there was improvement until the great day came when the major "rubbish" had gone, it was no longer a problem, I just couldn't thank my psychologist enough. Without her support throughout I would not have managed it, I felt safe with her and could let myself go with the feelings it all gave me, knowing I was in safe hands.

I now just see a CPN and have to work on building self esteem and confidence to be able to get back out there, but without all that "rubbish" I am sure I shall now manage it.

So thank you Pschologist and thank you EMDR you turned things around so I could start living again.