"5 stars for Honeysuckle Team"

My story is specifically about the Honeysuckle Team at the Women's. I'm a trained nurse who had 2 miscarriages in 8 months (at 10 weeks and 9 weeks 5 days). The last one was 3 weeks ago so it's still very raw. The protocol is that you have to have 3 miscarriages before you get referred, but I feel that at my age (40s), I don’t have time and I can’t put my family through it too many times.

I couldn’t have got through this without the Honeysuckle team at The Liverpool Women's Hopsital. When I got pregnant again it was invaluable to have people to turn to. I think they have saved the NHS a load of money.

At first I didn’t want to be part of the group, as I didn’t want to identify as someone who has lost a baby. Now I do. I’m proud to be part of it. It feels like a safe, respectful place. After the first miscarriage I felt so low. I tried to go back to work soon after but it didn’t work. Nobody mentioned it and I felt no one understood. Even if people didn’t know what to say, saying that would have felt better than it being ignored. I needed to take more time off. It felt like the Honeysuckle team were there for me. I felt so low that although I wasn’t suicidal if I could have just stood on a magic step and disappeared I would have. I couldn’t tell my family that. My mum was already worried enough. I try to be brave in front of her. I tried to bottle it up. The only place it felt like I could let that go was with the Honeysuckle Team.

Even today, coming through the door I started to cry. That feels like a release. Although even coming past the hospital makes me feel sick in my stomach due to the sad memories, I still like coming here. They don’t try to fix you, they let you grieve in your own way. In time you can remember the positives of the pregnancies and the positive memories. They allow you the space to do that. If not dealt with, it can stay with you in a bad way. It will stay with you anyway but it doesn’t need to mess you up.

When I was pregnant the second time my notes only mentioned my son. They got the notes changed to acknowledge my previous pregnancy too. That felt important.

I know that they would like to set up a Rainbow team for support in later pregnancies. I think that would be amazing. There are so many anxieties in subsequent pregnancies. I stopped coming to the group while I was pregnant. I knew how hard it had been for me to see pregnant people, see scans and baby photos and have to pretend to be happy for them while really thinking “why not me? ” I thought that me coming to the group pregnant would make other people feel that way inside. I could still turn to Pauline and Marie though. A Rainbow team with either a group (if enough women pregnant at once) or a contact person would help so much, to talk to someone else who understands. If I’d had someone like Pauline or Marie with me when I went for the scan the second time it would have felt better.

I think that a leaflet for employers on what to expect would be really helpful. Eg “after a miscarriage some people might feel like…. It might help to… Ask them how they would like the situation to be dealt with”. It would have helped to have had more understanding. People need educating, even in the NHS.

5 stars for Honeysuckle Team.

Posted by Healthwatch Liverpool on behalf of service user.