"Pain- neglect feels like abuse"

About: City Hospital / General surgery

(as the patient),

I have chronic pain, yet my needs don't seem to matter. It's not my fault, yet I am told things like "Which cancer patient should suffer so you can have care? " and "And what would you do if we discharge you? " when I ask for help.

It's okay for doctors to raise their voice, and wag a finger in your face, to speak to you in an insulting and derogatory tone, to threaten discharge, to share details about you with those without a right to them and use finance as an excuse to neglect you, , but when you speak up... you are punished, in my case, by being discharged and denied care, or being treated with such disregard you feel less than human.

Clerks, not clinicians, decide when I am allowed treatment for my pain and there are those who speak in such a belittling tone- clearly they enjoy the power they wield. I have to wait so long, too long... there is nothing "individualised" about my care.

I struggle so much with the constant pain, burning, intense neuropathic pain, that my life has ceased to have value yet all I am told is "things are tough". Yes, but, is that an excuse not to do what can be done?

When you get angry about the way you are treated and get upset, they say you need counselling. When you object to being spoken to in a certain way and ask about complaining, it's aggression. Excuses, excuses, excuses- they will say anything but "we're sorry, we should have done things differently".

I don't want money, I don't want preferential treatment... I just want to be respected for being human, be treated with dignity, and have the care I need to have a life so I can work, enjoy time with my family and make a meaningful contribution to humanity. Why is that too much to ask for?

We need external, impartial first line investigation for complaints, and clear guidance for the pseudo-deities that doctors have become to ensure they care about patients as much as they do about their own importance.

As you read this, I am in bed. I have pressure ulcers due to being in bed. I am severely depressed, no longer working.... and in the worst pain I have ever experienced, and all the pain centre said was it wasn't their problem. My GP does all they can, but they don't have the resources or knowledge for specialist pain management.

No, it's all my problem.... and it will be mine and mine alone for the foreseeable future, because no one listens, no one cares.... 6 c's don't apply to outpatients, or to pain patients, it seems. But the 3 s's do... shame, stigmatise, stop-from-getting-help.

How can a patient be held more accountable than a clinician for a breakdown in communication? And why, when that breakdown occurs, is it okay to blame he patient and not even ask the doctor to reflect on their errors? No one holds the trust accountable; not the CCG, and even their own PALS department is subjectively supporting the right of the trust to do what it wants.

My doctor said that they didn't like me, so wouldn't treat me... and their colleagues said out of allegiance to the first doctor, they didn't want to treat me either... isn't their first allegiance to me? What happened to first do no harm? Discharging me and leaving me without care because I dared to ask a GMC number when I was treated with scorn and without dignity. I was told complaining was aggression, and they have a right to an aggression free workplace.... but they cant treat me how they like, clearly, because when it's patient vs doctor, no one believes the patient.

I just wish someone would help, but no one cares, not at that hospital, not in PALS, not in the CCG, not my MP.... no one. If someone does, where are they? .

It hurts so bad. How long can I live like this?

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