"My experience of the Becklin Centre & Crisis Team at St James Hospital, Leeds."

I have a history of self-harm and suicide attempts over the past few years. It wasn't until 2014 when I took an almost fatal overdose that I was placed in the Becklin Centre as an inpatient.

I can't remember the first 2 days because I was too 'out of it' and (as told by other service users) I kept falling over and that certain staff members were dragging me around the ward. The first day I can remember (2 days after admission), I self-harmed and the nurse who was working with me on that shift bandaged me up and talked to me until I felt stable and the urges had gone. However, she is one of very few that treated me that way. On other occasions when I self harmed, I was told that, and I quote "you're silly and you will regret those when you're older and have to explain them to people".

I am very quiet and smile a lot (coping mechanism I developed during my childhood) and I felt that I wasn't listened to or taken seriously at all, even though I told them this. I felt other service users who were less patient and more loud/aggressive got what they wanted (e.g. cigarette breaks, a chat, etc) rather than those who asked politely and were told to wait several hours. For me it was usually a chat because I was distressed. Sometimes the help never came.

On a different, but similar note, I have noticed that several members of the Crisis Team are very rude. Recently I told them I wanted to kill myself and felt like I would do so had I left the hospital at that point. They said "Okay", and then discharged me.

I then left the hospital and jumped in front of a car on a busy road. The car did a sudden stop and asked if I was okay. I said I'm fine but was crying and then he drove off. I then lay on the floor hoping a car would hit and kill me, but then a man got out of his car and picked me up, just as the police and then ambulance arrived.

I was taken back to see the Crisis team who took 5 hours to arrive, so I was told that if I tried to leave the hospital I would be put under a Section and police were all outside the room. So I waited 5 hours, just for the crisis team nurse to say "Hi, you're discharged. You can go now". I felt this was very inappropriate given the state I was in. She didn't offer a chat or any other service.