"My second missed miscarriage."

My first mmc happened in March 2013 and I can't complain about how I was treated other than that when I had to go in to the epu for a confirmation scan, I was seated in a waiting room with happily expecting mums to be with heavily pregnant women wondering past.

My second mmc was discovered at the beginning of December and was made even more of a nightmare by how I was treated and the horrendous following weeks.

At the beginning of December, I went in to the epc for a routine scan only to be told that our beautiful baby had passed away around a week before. We were given the whole yarn about how miscarriage is very common, which I personally find very heartless. I didn't care about how common it is, I was devastated that it had happened to us!

I was already well informed about our options because of our first mmc and chose to have an erpc. (I hate that term. This was our baby! Not a "product" of conception! Smm is much more tactful and should be more widely used).

Because our scan was on a Friday, we had to wait till Monday for the surgery. I was on edge and basically terrified that things would happen naturally in this time but in the end they didn't.

When I went in for surgery on the monday I had to sit, crying and in obvious distress in a full waiting room of other people before the surgeon saw me for the pre-op questions stuff. He was flustered and covered in beads of sweat and the first thing he said to me was "So you're in for a caesarian today then? " I don't have words for how hurtful this was and it made me doubt the surgeons capabilities, but I so just wanted to get the physical aspect out of the way I just tried to push the concerns out of my head.

After the surgery, while I was groggy and in so much pain I had been administered morphine, the surgeon came to tell me that I had "lost more blood than they had hoped". Though it wasn't explained why or what this meant/impacted etc. I was too 'out of it' to question this at the time.

Following the surgery I developed a post op infection and a uti, despite my impeccable personal hygiene and following the scant aftercare advice I had been given to the letter. For the first ever time in my life I was prescribed antibiotics which made me very confused, suppressed my appetite, gave me diarrhea and vomiting and kept me awake at night.

Around two weeks after the surgery, the hospital rang to tell me that they had tested what they had taken out of me but weren't able to detect any pregnancy tissue at all! They were telling me that the surgery was a complete failure. Not only that, but they were going to keep me waiting a whole week before they could fit me in for a scan and that said scan would be on Christmas eve.

I was pretty certain that I hadn't miscarried naturally since the surgery and so had to cope with the thought that I had been carrying around our dead child inside me for weeks and that I had been through surgery for nothing. I also had the overwhelming fear that if something was found to still be present when I was scanned, then I would have to undergo a mva under only local anaesthetic.

On Christmas eve we had to wait in a waiting room with women waiting for their 12 week scans with heavily pregnant women from the maternity wing above wondering past. By the time we finally got in called in for our appointment, 2 1/2 hours late, I was a nervous wreck!

The scan itself showed that there was nothing in my uterus. The sonographer and the gynecologist present believe that the erpc/smm had actually been successful but that the lab had tested the wrong part of what was taken from me!

All of that stress, worry and fear all because they didn't think to carry out their test on another part of what they had taken from me! ? !

Following this scan, it was a further two weeks before the hospital would release our babys remains to the funeral directors so that we could have a funeral and say our goodbyes properly.

Since this ordeal, I have been having difficulties with anxiety and mood swings. I barely sleep and generally feel like I'm not coping very well. I've been to my gp about this, hoping that I could be referred to a counsellor. My gp told me how common mc is (because that heartless, meaningless rubbish never gets old! ) and that it can take a while to feel better afterwards. I was basically being told that I don't know myself and am not qualified to say that I don't feel right.

I will be making a formal complaint to our local hospital trust when I am feeling stronger. There are so many aspects concerning the "care" I received that I object to that it is difficult to know where to start!

There have been some wonderfully caring and compassionate caregivers that we have encountered through this whole thing, but unfortunately, their goodness does not cancel out all of the painful, nightmareish hell that was inflicted upon us by so many others.