"Why I will never go back to CAMHS"

I have been treated on two different referrals to CAMHS, both requiring about 6-8 sessions a time.

I was being treated for depression, anxiety, self harm and eating disorder not otherwise specified. On my first meeting with the woman I would be working with on my second referral, we discussed my self harm and depression and she said to me that I may be the "type of person who does this for the rest of my life" and she asked me "what would be the harm if I self-harmed for the rest of my life? " This shocked me as she should be helping me to recover not making me believe that I never can.

Another time when I saw her she asked me how many times I have required hospital treatment for my self harming and I had said that I needed to treat it myself because I was scared of the hospital. She said that I clearly couldn't be too bad as I didn't often requite treatment and that I couldn't be too serious a case. This hurt as it is exactly what I have always been told not to believe and hearing it from someone I was meant to trust made it very believable.

Furthermore another time I saw her I said that I had not self harmed for three days, which was an achievement to me as previously I was doing it several times a day. Instead of congratulating me or saying anything positive she said that it proved that everything I was doing was a choice and I just had to choose to recover and I would. All of this is things you should never say to someone with mental health issues.

I don't feel able to trust CAMHS after this and will never get treatment through them again. It has taken me a very long time to try to return to how I was before CAMHS as it actually made me deteriorate instead of improve. I still have trouble believing I can ever recover because of the things she said